Schooled by a clown.

Photo courtesy of I have no idea, but I wish I did cause it's awesome.

When I was in Elementary School Ronald McDonald himself came to teach us about fire safety. I guess he was an expert from always being around all those deep fryers and griddles. Maybe Mayor McCheese busted him jaywalking and this was his community service. Whatever it was he was there, in person, and we were stoked! I can only imagine how the teachers were laughing their butts off at us going all Jonas Brothers over Ronald friggin McDonald. ( Dare you to diagram that sentence. Seriously, I need grammar for dummies.)

(Actually don't, I beg of you. Don't diagram any of my sentences, I actually need Grammar for Kids Who Went To Hippie Montessori School And Spent All Day Playing Let's Pretend So When They Got To Public School And Ronald McDonald Came It Was Too Late Because Everyone Already Knew About Adverbs And Multiplication Tables And Such.)

( Anyone know where I can get a copy of that? )

Now, I myself have never been a big fan of clowns, especially ones who are later arrested for *ahem* messing with kids, as this specific incarnation of Ronald McDonald was. And also? Well done on that background check Mickey D's.

So there we all are in the gym/cafeteria/auditorium being taught the Stop, Drop, and Roll by THE Ronald McDonald. No,  it never occured to us that there could be more than one. He may have hocked Happy Meals but he was a celebrity in our midst you guys!

We all took it very seriously because for reals, who wants to be on fire? Ok, fine so those monks and the dudes who doing it for the movies seem to be cool with it (how does one discover that is your special skill?) But who else? Not this fifth grader thankyouverymuch. I burned my hand on the tailpipe of our volvo (don't ask) when I was a bitty thing and I was not interesed in reliving that kind of pain.

Stop. Drop. Roll.

Just a note to Ronald for future reference, you might want to specify which way you want the kids to roll because Mike Ferry  got a feel of a lot more than I was prepared for him too. Or maybe you planned it that way. Eeeeeeew.

This weekend I snuck in to check on the kidlet. He had a rough night the night before and I was anxious and desperate for sleep. Please, for the love of all things holy kid, sleep! Using my trusty iPhone as a flashlight I peered in at the crib. (oh you know you do it too, don't even pretend) when he stirred, rubbing the cutest little fist every over his eyes. I froze. No...

 I STOPPED. I DROPPED.  And then I ROLLED over next to his dresser and held my breath until I was sure he was sleeping peacefully again.

Dang. That creepy clown's lesson came in handy.