Dear Iphone,

Dear iPhone,

I have been meaning to talk to you for a while, although this weekends events have changed the tone of this letter. You see, you and I have recently been fighting. A lot. Maybe we're too close? I don't know, but things that didn't bother me when we first got together have recently become almost unbearable.

For one thing, you dissapear for hours at a time and I can't find you. I page you...but you don't answer. And don't say it's MY fault because I always have you on silent. Not everything can by my fault y'know. Can't you please just stick by me? I mean we made a vow, for at least two years, and we've got several months left in our union. If losing you was a drinking game I would be drunk everyday.

For another thing,  I know you think it's really funny, but for reals it's not. Stop flipping back and forth between landscape and portrait. I'm not moving at all...stop flipping! I know you get an even bigger laugh at my expense when I do desperately try to move you to catch up. I'm sure it's really funny, how I look like a grandma playing Super Mario Brothers. Leaning to the left does not make Mario go to the left any more than it makes you hold still.

Despite all of this, I think I owe you an apology. The other day I was so annoyed over my futile Cholula quest...(seriously Cholula, why are you more elusive than the holy grail?) I hopped out of the car and raced in the house, grumpier than Snow White's 5th dwarf. After dinner I realized I couldn't find you, and I looked. I did. But you dissapear so frequently these days, I didn't worry too much.I'm sort of used to it. Really, I just hopped on the computer and then went to bed watching the lightening and listening to the thunder rolling in and the rain hitting the window. It was a great storm.

In the morning I awoke desperate to find you. I was in a panic, frantically looking everywhere. Where were you? Did anyone text me? I knew you must be starved, your battery nearly worn out. I looked all over the house, finally setting out on the damp driveway making my way to the car.

It was then that I spied you. Oh no. You lay facedown in the grass like a college freshman. Soaking wet from the rain. I fell to the ground beside you, cradling you in my arms saying a prayer over you. I gently pushed the button and you feebly fluttered your eyes.

You awoke. It was like a Christmas miracle! In May. I warmed you and dried you off as best I could then gave you the sustanance you craved. I can't believe you came back to me without so much as a scratch!

I apologize, for not seeing how truly special you are. I'll try not to get bogged down in the annoying habits that a long term loving couple develops. Instead, I'll think of you waiting out the rainstorm, fighting to get back to me.

Let's play Words With Friends for a while, and then whaddya say I take ya somewhere special. How about the Apple store? Would you like a new protective case? Let's get you something pretty.
It would be great if you could stop that annoying flipping thing though. And I'll try to stop dropping you so much. Deal?

Love,
Minky

Dude where's my...what was I looking for again?

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm a bit of a scatterbrain about certian things. I can feel your shock. Duly noted. I am also lazy about certain things. (oh, shut it you!) This laziness is clearly evidenced that despite Hunky Paul's protestations that my hair is my crowning glory, I continue to wear it in some sort of sloppy bun 90% of the time. I am the hotness. (not so much)

The American Dream features five cars in the driveway. Sometimes it's a highly choreographed event when someone who is in position one wants to leave the abode. Sometimes if TOTT is parked behind me I will not waste a second and take his car instead of mine. Nothing gets between me and five minutes of alone grocery shopping! His car is always cleaner - one of the perks of not carrying someone under age three on the regular - and it features great music which only adds to the allure of a short vacation trip to pick up goodies.

Heaven.

After I've taken a quick side trip to Starbucks finished the shopping, I come out of the store heavily laden with treasures such as laundry detergent and toilet paper and I take one last breath, relishing the few remaining moments of solitude and I think one thing:

Where the eff did I park my car?

I wander about the parking lot nonchalantly pushing the cart up and down the rows of parked cars looking for my little Honda.  Looking left and right before I remember I took TOTT's car! In the immortal words of Homer:  D'oh! (of The Simpsons, natch. Not The Odyssey) The next step is to wrack my mommy addled brain to remember what TOTT's (clean) Camry looks like, invariably approaching one that is decidedly NOT his.

*sidenote: my apologies to the nice woman who was chatting on her phone, minding her own business while sitting in her Camry in the Giant parking lot. Sorry I scared the bejeezuz out of you when I tried to put my groceries in the trunk of your car. Also, awesome collection of beanie babies you've got in the back window. Those things are so au currant.

Finally, and embarrassingly, I find TOTT's car and collapse into it. Sitting for just a few extra moments enjoying the solitude (read: triumph of having found the car). I might even sneak a few minutes of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.

And maybe, just maybe I might make a blog note or two on ye olde iPhone Notepad. Multitasking brilliance right there.

See? Scatterbrained about some things. Brill about others. It's all about balance people.

Sometimes I'm awesome

Sometimes not so much. But right now I have carpal tunnel from patting myself on the back. Due to the fact that I pour over an excessive amount of home decorating blogs I became drunk with idea that perhaps I, who posesses no tactile artistic skill what so ever, could indeed create what I wanted instead of buying it.

You see I had this old dresser, ugly, cheesey bad cherry finish. Thanks Al's Discount Furniture on Lankershim. What are ya gonna do when you buy a whole bedroom set for 300 bones? Ethan Allen it's not.

Anyway I recently became obsessed with having a red dresser for Max's new room. And so, the ever patient TOTT shuttled me off to Home Depot and purchased me a sander and a hist ton of colonial red paint. I must admit I was pumped up with confidence from the three years that WWJD and I stripped and stained furniture on the regular. But painting I had never done. And stain seems more forgiving.

But I figured what the heck. It's crap anyway, and if I ruin it then at least I've tried!

Behold!

From totally geek:

to totally chic!

Forgive the craptastic iphone fauxto. I haven't quite gotten the lighting squared away in there and also there was a small person pulling on my shirt hollering 'Both sides!'

Demanding little bugger.

It actually turned out better than I hoped and I am now looking at every single piece of furniture here at The American Dream as a potential project. I think my in laws are going to start hiding things. And also I can't find the dog. Which is a shame since he is all black. He could really use an accent color.