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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dear Iphone,

Dear iPhone,

I have been meaning to talk to you for a while, although this weekends events have changed the tone of this letter. You see, you and I have recently been fighting. A lot. Maybe we're too close? I don't know, but things that didn't bother me when we first got together have recently become almost unbearable.

For one thing, you dissapear for hours at a time and I can't find you. I page you...but you don't answer. And don't say it's MY fault because I always have you on silent. Not everything can by my fault y'know. Can't you please just stick by me? I mean we made a vow, for at least two years, and we've got several months left in our union. If losing you was a drinking game I would be drunk everyday.

For another thing,  I know you think it's really funny, but for reals it's not. Stop flipping back and forth between landscape and portrait. I'm not moving at all...stop flipping! I know you get an even bigger laugh at my expense when I do desperately try to move you to catch up. I'm sure it's really funny, how I look like a grandma playing Super Mario Brothers. Leaning to the left does not make Mario go to the left any more than it makes you hold still.

Despite all of this, I think I owe you an apology. The other day I was so annoyed over my futile Cholula quest...(seriously Cholula, why are you more elusive than the holy grail?) I hopped out of the car and raced in the house, grumpier than Snow White's 5th dwarf. After dinner I realized I couldn't find you, and I looked. I did. But you dissapear so frequently these days, I didn't worry too much.I'm sort of used to it. Really, I just hopped on the computer and then went to bed watching the lightening and listening to the thunder rolling in and the rain hitting the window. It was a great storm.

In the morning I awoke desperate to find you. I was in a panic, frantically looking everywhere. Where were you? Did anyone text me? I knew you must be starved, your battery nearly worn out. I looked all over the house, finally setting out on the damp driveway making my way to the car.

It was then that I spied you. Oh no. You lay facedown in the grass like a college freshman. Soaking wet from the rain. I fell to the ground beside you, cradling you in my arms saying a prayer over you. I gently pushed the button and you feebly fluttered your eyes.

You awoke. It was like a Christmas miracle! In May. I warmed you and dried you off as best I could then gave you the sustanance you craved. I can't believe you came back to me without so much as a scratch!

I apologize, for not seeing how truly special you are. I'll try not to get bogged down in the annoying habits that a long term loving couple develops. Instead, I'll think of you waiting out the rainstorm, fighting to get back to me.

Let's play Words With Friends for a while, and then whaddya say I take ya somewhere special. How about the Apple store? Would you like a new protective case? Let's get you something pretty.
It would be great if you could stop that annoying flipping thing though. And I'll try to stop dropping you so much. Deal?



Melissa said...

Ahh yes, the iPhone relationship. I can so relate. Mine doesn't disappear as frequently as it sounds yours does, but mine does that weird flipping thing. It's also a true Southerner (think relaxed, in no hurry to get anywhere), taking it's sweet time when I request something of it. Oh how I want to walk away from it (and I've had the urge to throw it a time or two), but I try my hardest to patiently encourage it to respond and speak only words of love to it, for fear that it will boycott my requests.

Loving your blog. :-)

Salt said...

I cannot believe that your iPhone survived one of those awful storms outside! We had TERRIBLE ones up here. I thought my whole car was going to blow over.

I now have a newfound respect for my own iPhone, although I really do wish it would stop flipping from landscape to portrait when I don't want it to. Also the service sucks, but that's not the phone's fault or anything so I try to not misplace blame.

Allyson & Jere said...

You are HILARIOUS! No really, this was a genius little love letter.

So glad "he" made it through the storm and all is well.

Babes Mami said...

aww what a trooper you have! My pre BB soldier made it through two toilet swims but after the 2nd he was never the same and had to be replaced.

DiPaola Momma said...

"Face down in the grass like a college freshman" FREAKIN' CLASSIC sister! You know I have a solution.. it's called DROID... come on over the the dark side with me momma I promise you'll never go back.

Nya's mom said...

lol. I love this post!

I found your blog through the MBC Follow Me club. I am now following!

I am new at this blogging thing and am in need of new followers, so please follow me as well.

You can find me at:


-Jessica a.k.a Nya's mom

Cara Mamma said...

Hope you iphone survives the crack from today!

jodifur said...

How exactly do you page your iphone? I need that skill.