Dial M for Minky: Minky

This is a post about my beloved cat. She's been gone six months today, and my heart is still raw. Anyone who has ever loved a cat knows that indeed, there are no ordinary cats. Minky was no exception to that rule. She was exceptional, special, amazing. Obviously I thought she was gorgeous. And others did too...she inspired songs, namesakes, and fan pages on the internet. (Seriously going back as far as the geocities days...hello dial up!) She was the love of my life... I miss her so much. I'm not sure I believe in 'familiars' or anything like that, but if they do exist Minky was mine. The relationship that Minky and I had was special. I guess that's why I am so ripped up about her death. I didn't have any warning...I have always known anytime she was sick, and this time there were no signs. Or if there were I missed them. I was too busy with the baby or crying in my beer that we moved. I was going back and forth between horrible Ohio and DC and visiting LA and Colorado and she was alone...maybe she thought I didn't need her anymore. She could not have been more wrong. I miss her every day. I miss her silly scamper. I miss how she firmly believe the changing table was her bed. I miss how she yelled at me to feed her dinner and when I cooked it? She would sit by the oven and make the cutest noises. I miss her leaping through the air to catch bugs. I miss how she watched over the baby. I miss not ever showering or putting on make up or taking bath alone, she was my constant companion. She was my heart walking around on four little feet. I miss her love of photoshoots. I miss her snuggles and her soft bunny fur. I miss that I was known among my friends as Minky's mom, and frequently they just called me Minky. Hence all my on line names. I miss that so many of them wanted to be Minky Wranglers when I was rich and famous and just get paid to hang out and take care of her all day while I was on set. I never lacked a kitty sitter, she was always clamored for. I am clinging so desperatly to the good things because the last bit was so dramatic and awful I can't let it go. How could I have not known? I'll never forgive myself.I tried so hard to save her but it was no good. Yeah, I'm the girl who gave her cat mouth to mouth and CPR. I failed her. I spoiled her her whole life, but those last 12 hours were about denial. We were moving to DC and so I didn't feed her the night before as she had gotten sick on the way to Ohio. I yelled at her the night before she died for waking the baby. We were so busy packing that night she wanted to be brushed and I didn't brush her thinking I would do it when we got to DC. She was so dissapointed I remember the look she gave me so well, it will haunt me forever. I've wanted to go back in time so much since we moved but if I had to pick one thing to do over it would be to go back and give her the best last night of her life and hold her as she passed. (If I couldn't save her, obviously!)

As it was she died in the car right next to me. I looked over and just knew she was gone. I tried so hard to save her. I wish I could have, she was only ten. So young. I made her food her whole life, all organic and every vet that saw her said "I've never seen such a healthy cat!"

So, how is it fair that some kitties live to be 20 on junk food barely being paid attention to and my love passes at ten?

I miss her.