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Sunday, January 10, 2010

MacGuyver or: I apologize for this blog post

Do you like my new anklet? Soon they will be sweeping the runways in Milan and Paris and you'll all think Wow! I saw that on Stephanie's blog ages ago!
In true awesomeness form I sliced my ankle like a 7th grader in the shower this morning. Excellent. And as I was watching the Psycho-eque water slide down the drain, I quick-like-a-bunny made an awesome toilet paper tourniquet. And then I took a picture of it for you. You're welcome. Upon second thought I decided feet are gross, especially ones (mine) that have had lots of bone surgeries on them and I fancied it up for you as best I could, what with the no photoediting skills. Must learn some.

Toilet paper tourniquet is just another way I am sooooooooooo MacGuyver. Or, as was renamed by @HighImpactMom on Twitter MacGuyverMom . I KNOW! We're all MacGuyverMoms right? I mean, just the other day I fixed my iPhone charger with a Diego band-aid. MacGuyverMom!

(Total randomness, a million years ago Zach worked at Abercrombie & Fitch on the 3rd street Promenade in Santa Monica and actual MacGuyver, Richard Dean Anderson came in and guess what he bought? Four pairs of Cargo pants. Nothing else. He basically bought his costume. You can't make that up!)
Back to curious case of 'I've been shaving for how long?': I'm good with blood. I mean, I don't love it or anything but it doesn't make me all squiggy inside like it does the husband. He's a bad *shut your mouth*, but blood? Not his favorite thing. I seriously worried about the C-section and he was under strict don't-you-dare-peak instructions because I knew he'd hit the deck as if Ali stung him like a bee if he saw the red stuff.
I'm plenty grossed out by a million other things. The other day I found a huge beetle in the sink and swished it down the garbage disposal with hot water and totally freaked turning it on. (Then in an irrational move I felt totally guilty about the horrible death of said beetle and worried about that beetles mother; did she ever have nightmares about her baby being crushed in a garbage disposal the way I do seeing my sweet baby in a thresher/falling down a well/ strolller slipping to the lake/ car accident/ trapped in a burning room? What? I'm the only one? Well, lucky you! Let me introduce you to my good friend postpartum anxiety. Actually no...stay away from her, she is an evil whore bitch who will steal your sleep causing you to have total physical freak outs and visions beyond awful all while you know rationally your sweet baby is right.there. sleeping peacefully in his crib. Also, no, mama beetle never thought  any of that because she is a BUG. And if you're still with me after that you totally deserve a Girl Scout Cookie. I recommend the Samoas, they're delish.)

  Also, if you're new to my blog. I sincerely apologize.

After I was all moisturized and dressed I of course decided a non-Diego band aid might be better for the days activities. Nope. My mistake. Toilet paper tourniquet worked much better. 5 band aids in 15 minutes or one TP tourniquet. You be the judge.

TP Tourniquets also good for Cat toothaches.
*no kitties were injured during toiletpapering


One Cluttered Brain said...

I HATE it when I cut myself shaving. Grrr. Cute kitty picture though.;)

blueviolet said...

Toilet paper is the best makeshift bandaid out there!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

My husband doesn't faint at the sight of blood - just needles. BUT when I had a c-section for my twins, he had a bit of an ooops in the way of gore sightings and I believe that he has a flashback every now and again. That birth was a pretty good story all around if you're interested:
Part one: http://www.thebigpieceofcake.com/2008/10/make-mine-double-part-i.html
Part two: http://www.thebigpieceofcake.com/2008/10/make-mine-double-part-ii.html

Sorry about the links - I usually find it kind of grasping when people try to direct you to their own archives for "a good read"...but there you have it.

Salt said...

I, too, am a seasoned shaving veteran and that in no way has stopped me from completely ruining my legs with a razor on multiple occasions. The place where you sliced yourself is one of those particularly difficult areas. I always seem to do it at least once when I have a brand new razor.

Toilet paper totally works best. What I do is wrap the TP around and then secure it with one of my hair ties.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

Way to MacGuyver it!

I will order the death of bug but am reluctant to do it myself. Guilt? No. It's the "crunch" that freaks me out.

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