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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

When Max was born my mother came to stay with us for two weeks. And when she left my mother in law Robin came to stay. Looking back we should have had them come after Zach when back to work after his 6 weeks of parental leave (I love you California!) because Max was, and is such an easy baby we were tripping over each other within days. We just didn't need as much help as we had thought we did. We did however, just love and adore having them visit. Both of our mother's make us nuts in that way that only mothers can. In a way that I will surely make Max nuts eventually but we were so grateful that they were able to share in that time with us. The birth of our child and the few weeks after while I was recovering and eventually working up the courage to put that tiny baby in the car and go where else? Target! Those memories will stay with us forever, and we know just how loved and supported we were and are now.
A few weeks after my mother had left I called her and just said two words "I'm sorry." I was a bit of a nightmare teenager (far longer than I care to admit). It took me way to long to get my sh*t together, as the saying goes and my mother went through a lot with me. Suddenly loving Max gave me a perspective I never had.  As miserable as I was as a teenager I had never thought of the soul crushing pain she must have been feeling watching me try my very best to self destruct. I think Max is precious, truly perfect. Every finger, toe, giggle, fake cough and temper tantrum is surely straight from Heaven and just flat out perfection. So if he were to hate himself the way I hated myself, I think I might die. 

So, I'm sorry Mom for putting you through that. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry that you had to work so hard to provide for me and that I was such an ungrateful brat. I'm sorry I quit the cheerleading squad after you sacrificed so much to get that ridiculously expensive uniform. I'm sorry for every birthday present you picked out for me that I was less than enthused about. I'm sorry I never recognized how hard it was to be a single mom, especially when I probably needed a dad to kick my butt a little. I'm sorry I didn't accept the love that you wanted to give me.  I'm sorry for every single time I was snotty to you. Including yesterday, I'm working on it!
The only thing I can try to do to make up for what a brat I was is to try to love Max as much and as unconditionally as you love me. I'll just try to be the best mother for Max I can possibly be and maybe somehow that will make up for just a little bit of the Queen Brat I truly was. Even though it may not have seemed like it, I learned those lessons about patience, and kindness, manners and generosity in spite of myself and because of you. I love you Mom! Happy Mother's day, I'm so glad to get to share it with you. My first one as a mom and my first one with a whole new respect and admiration for you.  Now, leave my bra straps alone, maybe I like them twisted!


nakedjen said...

stephanie, you just made me cry.

love to you and your mom. and max and zach and robin, too.



Jennifer said...

Ugh, I'm crying. Great.

Hope you and your mom are having a awesome Mother's Day!

WDC said...

What a great post. Happy Mother's day to you and your Mom. xoxox - wdc

Mommyof2girlz said...

Awesome post! Stopping by from MBC Follow Me Club to follow and say hello :)

Mrs. Fish: aka Two Fish said...

Happy Late Mothers Day....sharing love from MBC go grab your One Lovely Blog award.

shelley said...

it's amazing how the birth of your child gives your perspective into the eyes of your mom! lol, anyhow enjoy the time passes in a heartbeat! i'm stopping by from mbc. stop by and say "hi" anytime! and what a beautiful picture of your son!

Jenjen © GottaLoveMom said...

Aaahhh...what a heartfelt post.
Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Love that post! BTW, stop by mine and pick up your One Lovely Blogger Award!

Have a great week!

Sha said...

Hey Stephanie,
Nice post. I just sent you an award over on my blog. Check it out and follow along. Others like to get awards too!
Have a great weekend.