Yes, that is me in my former life (last week- hehehe) modeling for Simon Thorpe. You know what I was thinking while this was being taken? I'm so fat. I'm so ugly. This is a joke. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Enough is enough is enough. Or, enuff as my 15 year old 'little sister' M insists on spelling it. Either way ladies, enough (enuff) is enough. For all of us.
In the last week I have had three IRL friends and countless internet friends confess to me how unhappy they are with their bodies, I see them discount their successes and point out their (perceived) failures.
I am guilty of it too.
But enough is enough. This weekend I declare a negativity diet for us all. Two days. We can do it.
You are ALL goddesses. You grew and birthed babies, your bodies are strong. Your laughs are like music to God. Your smile makes someone's day, you might never know whose...the cashier at the store, your husbands...someone's day is made brighter by you and you don't ever know it.
We are too old ladies, too old for this junior high apologizing for being alive. We must stop apologizing for taking up space on this planet. We are meant to be here, to accomplish things. We so frequently apologize for behaviours that need no apology, we consistently accept less than we require and make do.
We would never short change our own children this way, why do we short change our parent's children?
Giving birth to my son, was a tremendously spiritual experience. I never understood the saying 'I am a child of God' but looking at my son I saw a plan bigger than me or my husband. This child was created in my womb, but by no concious day to day work of mine. I never woke and said to TOTT: today I shall work on the central nervous system!
No, it was in me, but beyond me. My child is sacred, and therefore so am I. And so are you.
So no more Ladies! Two days! And like feeding yourself nothing but nutritious veggies and high protein foods, getting our bodies healthy, this weekend I challenge us ALL to get take a tiny step towards getting our hearts and minds healthy. Our esteem healthy, if you will!
I say this for myself as well.
It took me years, years to conquer my eating disorder. It was only when the doctor flat out told me "in six months you will either be getting better, or you will be dead. Your choice." that I found a survival instinct.
(of course when I was checked into that hospital the nurse doing my exam asked me my diet secrets cause I was just so cute and tiny. Yeah, see that GIANT red stamp my chart that says BULLIMIC- must watch? That's how it's done. You too could be 80 pounds!)
Turns out I kinda wanted to live after all. We (I) grew up internalizing everything. Any mistake meant I was bad. I never did anything bad...I WAS bad. I wasn't bad, by the way. Not at all. I struggle daily with anxiety (as you know) and also with BDD, left over from my eating disorder...BDD is like a scar from a car accident. I have to constantly remind myself that I do not see my physical self as it is. I see it through a fun house mirror.
I challenge us all to simply take notice of how often we discount ourselves, how often we inform people that we are too pale, too fat, too silly, too...whatever, to be taken seriously.
I'm going to try my very best when I catch myself doing that to replace it with a thought of something I am good at.
i.e. when I look at pictures of myself I always think two things: I look like a hunchback, and I look like the stay puft marshmallow man.
I'm going to try to replace that with: I've got a pretty nice smile and my personality shows through in that picture.
Something along those lines.
I am not a Dr. Phil fan per se, but I heard him say one thing ages ago that has stuck with me; people treat us as we inform them we want to be treated.
I don't know about you, but I would like to be treated well! That means treating ourselves well.
This weekend just try to stop and think about how amazing we all are, what we've accomplished, the babies we've birthed, the jobs we've had, the relationships, the *childhoods we've survived.
We are pretty damn awesome. The lot of us.
Are ya with me?
I'm too old to accept anything less than stellar treatment from anyone, including myself. How old is too old? Why 27 of course! :)
Ok, that turned out to not be so short after all. Anyone surprised?
(*And Mom, before you get upset, my childhood was great! You know when I fell apart...)