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Thursday, April 29, 2010

I laughed till I peed.

Mr. M just pointed to this and said "mommy's juice!" Indeed.

In the immortal words of Clairee Belcher my dream last night was "too twisted for color t.v."

I mean, Borat and I took our jobs on that jury very seriously and we did a good job, but our subsequent Running Man (not a euphemism) left a lot to be desired. Still, "It's Getting Kind of Hectic" is a song that has stood the test of time, at least in my dreams, it's a jamming tune. Disappointingly, neither Borat nor myself made the Barnes and Noble Songleader squad.

Maybe next time.

My Southern Grandmother used to say that we suffer from a delicate constitution. She ran completely on Valium and narcissism so I'm a believer. Her thesis was supported by the very large fact that in her living room there was a separate fridge for the meds. The Valium had it's own fridge, people. True story. No wonder I suffer from a case of 'the nerves' (btw, you have to say 'the nerves' with a Southern dialect). I come by the crazy honestly, at least! 

Maybe I should get a fridge for the Zoloft. And the Puppy Bear's Prozac. Maybe the little light will help me read the label so as not to take the D-O-G's medicine again.  I don't need a big huge fridge like the Grandmother had...just a teeny mini fridge. Does Anthropologie make one? Cause I want it pretty. I should invent that. There's money in that, y'all.

It's such a bummer I can't have the gooooooooooooooood drugs with this dang cyst. Due to the fact that I am a bad weaner, I am relegated to Tylenol only. Although with dreams like these on the 'nol, I would fear to see what I'd come up with on the Vic. 

And now, (for a non-sequitor) I'd like to introduce a new feature here at the Minkster - Texts from Dub. The first month we moved away Dub and I texted 1, 478 times. This was both tremendously unfortunate as I did not have an unlimited texting plan then; and also totally impressive because at the time I had a baby pink Katana. Ah, the Katana...it wanted to be a Razor when it grew up. How did I ever live without a smart phone? Anyhoo, Dub is the funny. She makes me laugh till I pee. Those of you who have had a baby know what I'm speaking of. 

And so, I leave you with this...why I love Dub.






Only a sister would share that with you. And then let you share it with the world.

7 comments:

RobertZ said...

So funny with a hint of "oh my God". Love Your writing. Have to admit that it was hard to maintain focus after reading the phrase "bad weaner", but I made it through. (I know...I'm a child.) Seriously, Love Your Blog.

Magimom said...

Stopping by from SITS - LOVE the blog, and LOVE your humor!

Life with Kaishon said...

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm, I need some medicine for my fridge for sure : )

This was so funny! You totally made me smile. I am stopping over from SITS. I am sure your sisters undies caused quite a stir at day care : ) Funny!

Cheryl said...

Over from SITS (guess we're attracted to posters who pee themselves!)

Anyway, hilarious. I only hope they were clean undies!

Amy said...

Now I'm laughing till I pee. Undies always get lost in the sheets when you wash 'em together. I miss you and Heather! I was just thinking about that Pinocchio play the other day...somehow the "Healthy Flakes" song gets stuck in my head sometimes...remember that one? Anyways, I love your blog :)

DiPaola Momma said...

That you can work in the indomitable Ms. Clairee, Borat and Zoloft into one post and set the whole thing off to the tune of "It's Getting Kind of Hectic" I one of the many, MANY reasons I dig you darling. Being your friend makes me a lucky, lucky girl. And, no I'm not in the least bit concerned about you spending time with my kid this summer.. why do you ask?

Melissa said...

Man, I wish my dreams were that awesome! Mine are usually scary as hell or so confusing, the minute I wake up my first thought is "whhaaaa?" and then I can't describe a detail to anyone to save my life.

As a fellow bad weaner, I feel you on sacrificing yourself. I hope you start feeling better soon so that you have relief! More on this subject, do you have any thoughts on how long you'd like to go or when you'd like to have him weaned by?

I have my own "Dub", only she's my cousin who is just 2 months older than me. She is the person who can make me laugh until I pee - and she's been successfully doing so for 15 years, longer than I've been a mother. Wait, maybe I shouldn't admit to that....